Fun Project Ideas . . . Now Where's the Motivation?

It's another Feel Good Friday with The Girl Next Door Grows Up. 


My shopping trip to Barnes & Noble yesterday is my FGF. I went to get a book for ds to improve his Shakespeare skills, but of course I had to peruse the sales while I was there. These 2 just jumped into my hands!

The first one is actually a kit with enough supples to make 2 of this adorably ugly creatures. It was only $9.99, which is pretty good.  The second one was the real steal! Originally $24.95, I got it for a mere  $2.00! Even if I never make anything from it, it was worth it for the pretty pictures.

And now, I'm heading off to spend the weekend with dd! I hope everyone has a marvelous weekend!


PS -- Beware . . . Friday the 13th!

Thankful Thursday . . . Today's List

It's Thankful Thursday again here at M&M and over at Women Taking a Stand. I hope your day is filled with gratitude and love.


Today I am grateful for:


1. a website dedicated to helping survivors of sexual assault. You can check it out here.


2. the opportunity to visit with my dd this weekend.


3. warm memories of special people in my life. Sometime I'll write about my favorites: Auntie and Uncle Horace.


4. friends who make me laugh.


5. my newest "animal" friend: Gimli

Happy Thursday everyone!

Eight Common Myths about Child Sexual Abuse: An Informative Article

I recently ran across an article that answered some long standing questions for me. Throughout this process of dealing with my childhood sexual abuse (CSA) I have been my own worst critic. If I were one of the apostles, I would be Thomas.  Always doubting, always questioning. That is in part my nature and in part one of the side effects of the abuse. As survivors, we learn early on to doubt what our senses tell us. How can we not doubt? Understanding is impossible. How to understand that someone who was previously friendly and nice, is now mean and frightening? 


In my experience, abusers were part of my day to day life. I am sure there were times when I was with them that they did not abuse me, thus adding to the confusion. Why last time, but not this time? What did I do differently that made them stay "nice"? 


So throughout this journey a couple of recurring themes have haunted and tormented me. The first one was how could everyone be taken in by this person? One of my abusers was the all American clean cut college guy. A good Christian boy, from a good Christian family, who went to a good Christian school, and met a nice Christian girl -- got engaged, so they could live the good Christian life serving others through his prominent medical practice. That's what "everybody" saw -- except me. I saw the terrifying man with the dead eyes who attacked viciously and randomly, and expected his girlfriend to watch and then clean up. Very confusing, especially when you are five years old. 


The second one was, How is it no one noticed any damage to my body? I was threatened, knocked down, and terrorized, but I was also raped, strangled, and sodomized. While I don't have clear memories of specific injuries, I do remember a great deal of pain and some blood. How was this missed? Remarkably it is not uncommon. It doesn't take that long to abuse a child, and children heal quickly, especially in soft tissue areas.

Eight Common Myths about Child Sexual Abuse clarified some aspects of this for me. I would recommend that everyone read this article. If you have suffered abuse, hopefully it will bring you some peace. If you have not, you probably know someone who has, and this knowledge will help you help them. Regardless, knowledge is power.


The eight myths are:
1. Normal-appearing, well educated, middle-class people don't molest children.
2. People are too quick to believe an abuser is guilty, even if there is no supporting evidence.
3. Child molesters molest indiscriminately.
4. Children who are being abused would immediately tell their parents.
5. Children who are being abused will show physical evidence of abuse.
6. Hundreds of innocent men and women have been falsely accused and sent to prison for molesting children.
7. If asked about abuse, children tend to exaggerate and are prone to make false accusations.
8. By using repeated interviews, therapists or police can easily implant false memories and cause false accusations among children of any age.


Some of these myths will challenge your core beliefs, they did mine and I'm a survivor! Others may seem patently obvious to you. Regardless, try to read with and open mind, and if possible share this information others, to help stop the abundance of abuse against children in our world.


Blessings!

(photo from charlottemusiclessons.wordpress.com)

Last Tuesday of Summer Vacation -- August 10, 2010

FOR TODAY
Outside my window...it is STILL hot and dry. School may be starting tomorrow, but it feels like a long time till fall.

I am thinking...about fall cleaning. My house is really dirty, especially with the renovations in the bathroom. It's hard to get motivated to clean, when there is insulation, drywall dust and assorted other detritus everywhere.

I am thankful for...safe travels we have had recently, and praying for continued travelling mercies in the weeks ahead.

From the learning rooms...still working on ACT prep and German II. We have completed The Hobbit and now need to take a run at Much Ado About Nothing.

From the kitchen...comes the realization that I MUST grocery shop today. The list is made, but I didn't get there yesterday because I had an asthma attack. Must get there today.

I am wearing...my cotton lawn embroidered nightgown and summer weight robe.

I am creating...perhaps more of a mess than anything else. I have too many irons in the fire and I'm having trouble focusing!

I am going...to visit my daughter this weekend. Just us girls. Dd has requested that I bring Yaya, so it'll be the 3 of us.

I am reading...The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest by Stieg Larsson

I am hoping...to get some motivation on the housework front. Any brilliant suggestions?

I am hearing...doggies begging for breakfast!

Around the house...picking up and putting away needs to be the order of the day, before actual cleaning can take place.

One of my favorite things...new school supplies. I actually miss the days of shopping for all the items the kids needed in elementary and middle school. Of course, it's nice to get to keep the money for something more fun!

A few plans for the rest of the week...sewing, cleaning, getting ds started in school, and travelling for the weekend.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing...

This is my sweet Yaya, who'll be travelling with me this weekend.

Visit The Simple Woman's Daybook to linger over simple things.

Rainy Friday = Feel Good Friday

"It's raining, it's pouring . . . " Now that may not sound like a good start to Feel Good Friday, but we had been without rain for a good while until yesterday afternoon. We have had summer storms off and on since lunch time yesterday. The pollen is settling, plants are looking greener and the temperature has stabilized considerably! So better weather is a big #1 on my Feel Good Friday list.

My dh returned from a business trip last night around midnight. I have a love/hate relationship with my dh's business trips. On the one hand it can feel like a mini vacation. I pick the food, the TV shows, the sleep schedule. On the other hand, he's GONE. I miss hugs, kisses, talking and just knowing he's here. Not to mention I don't sleep well when he's gone. So FGF #2 is dh's return!

School starts this week for ds. This summer has flown by! While I'm sure routine will be good for me, and I wouldn't mind some order to my days, I also dread the return of homework, grades and stress. It's a mixed blessing.

This week a new friend led me to an online support group for abuse survivors. I'm pretty wary of these kinds of things, but I checked it out. The site seems well organized and well policed. I signed up for it, and one of the first things I found was an article that addressed some long standing issues for me. If your interested you can read it here. Information is power!

Finally, I have bananas that need to be used. I see Jamaican Banana Bread in my future and maybe a banana bundt cake as well!

Today's Feel Good Friday is brought to you by The Girl Next Door Grows Up.

Holding on to Gratitude

I consider myself a grateful person, but sometimes it's hard to remember to express it. Thankful Thursday is a blessing in my life for giving me the opportunity to stop and think and share all the blessings in my life!

Today I am thankful for:

-- Air conditioning! We are suffering through a real heat wave here in Tennessee. The prediction is a little cooler today, i.e., we probably will stay under 100!

-- My dh for taking me away on a lovely weekend getaway last weekend. Time alone with dh is never to be squandered.

-- The five lovely friends I had lunch with yesterday. Thanks to Linda, Caroline, Sandra, Valerie, and Keith for sharing, laughing and just being such good friends!

-- It happens a lot, but I am so grateful for my therapist who is knowledgeable, kind and spiritual.

-- "Aha" moments when new realizations breakthrough.

-- Telephones. I know, I know. They can be terribly distracting and annoying, but they also allow me to talk with my dh even though he is all the way across the country!

“Enter his gates with thanksgiving,
and his courts with praise!
Give thanks to him; bless his name!”
~ Psalm 100:4 (ESV)

Thankful Thursday is brought to you by Broken for God. 

Lessons Learned

Anger is neither right nor wrong. This is a new concept for me. Anger is an appropriate response to feeling disrespected. It is a protection device to help us keep safe. The moral, ethical portion of the dilemma comes from what I do with my anger. If I respectfully state my feelings, that is appropriate. If I threaten to harm someone, that is inappropriate. 


As a survivor of abuse, anger is a confusing issue to me. My experiences taught me that people switch from pleasant, happy, fun individuals to angry, violent, demeaning abusers in the blink of an eye. Anger was bad, because it always led to bad things. Logically, if I felt anger, that made me bad. It made me like the abusers.


I learned early on to make excuses for anyone's bad behavior. I soon learned to perceive any anger I felt as more evidence of my basic "badness". I was selfish, self-centered, ego-maniacal, dramatic, overly sensitive and an attention seeker. I don't know how often I was actually told these things (some I clearly remember -- from teachers and parents, not just abusers), but I heard it enough in my head to believe it.


I've recently had some encounters that lead me to believe that my perceptions may not be accurate. Those messages we consciously and unconsciously tell ourselves are the hardest ones to reprogram. Like Julia Roberts says in Pretty Woman, "The bad stuff is easier to believe".